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Anger Gets A Bad Rap! - Simply Woman
Written by Andrea Lewis
We all get angry, either we suppress it or we express it.
When we suppress our anger we want to avoid conflict at all cost. We believe that we are maintaining peace in our relationships. Women especially do this all too often we learned at a young age to be sweet and nice all of the time.
But if we don’t deal with our anger long enough eventually we express it. Except when we express our anger it’s usually misdirected at someone, something or even ourselves.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family I witnessed anger being expressed in ways that traumatized me and almost cost me my life. As a coping mechanism I internalized my pain by binge eating, drinking alcohol or some other escape mechanism.
I learned that expressing anger might do damage or I would be judged so I remained passive in all of my relationships. But when I did express my anger I was aggressive.
In either scenario I was not heard!
I felt like a victim until I discovered that my passive-aggressive behaviour was based on lacking control for my environment because I was unsafe, I was trapped in the past, I didn’t honor my intuition and I didn’t speak up when I had the opportunity.
When I decided to be a victor I released my pent-up anger and began to assert myself in a calm and dignified manner in my relationships instead of reacting to everyone and everything.
Anger is a valid emotion just like love.
It is possible to express anger in a healthy and positive way. Here are 3 tips:
1. Write it out
It takes courage to tell someone what you are angry about and to help you build your courage muscle, get a journal or blank piece of paper and express your anger uncensored.
If you’re hanging on to anger from the past, write a letter to that person then burn it to release the negative energy.
When you write it out not only will you gain perspective, you’ll also not be harbouring your anger towards the other person and/or yourself.
2. Get physical
To release pent-up anger buried in the body play tennis, run, power walk, kick a soccer ball. And when the anger surfaces allow it to go through you so it’s not weighing you down.
3. Become proactive
If someone triggers you and you’re upset, take a deep breath to centre yourself and be present. Then calmly talk to the other person involved by saying, “I feel angry because…”
Avoid pointing the finger or rehashing the situation, the other person will most likely be willing to listen and respect your point of view. It’s not about being right it’s about finding a solution so you can move forward.
However if the person pushes your buttons do not react, tell them, “I would like to discuss this another time when we are both calm.” Then leave the situation and follow up to set up a date and time.
By expressing your anger in a healthy and positive way you’re increasing your self-esteem and telling yourself and others the truth. Instead of acting like everything is just fine and remaining passive, you assert yourself knowing that you are worthy of being heard.
I want to hear from you!
Are you uncomfortable expressing your anger?
Andrea Lewis is a certified Wellness Coach, Author, Speaker and Intuitive. She is passionate about empowering women to say no to drama, codependent relationships and to remind women of their worth. Andrea frequently shares her story at local high schools to educate and to end stigma on mental illness, as well as discuss self-esteem, self-image and healthy living. Get inspired with a free special report on Saying NO to Drama and YES to the Life of Your Dreams: http://www.andreamlewis.com/