Karmic Relationships with Doreen Virtue

By on January 14, 2014
Doreen Virtue

The relationships that drive you crazy with anger and frustration are from a past life. These are the people who really get under your skin and exasperate you endlessly. Very often, these karmic relationships are with people in your immediate family.

Karmic relationships mean that you’ve had prior lifetimes with this person, and you both were sent back to be together to work things out peacefully. This was your soul’s choice, although it was probably highly pushed upon you by your guides and angels who helped you script out much of your life. Usually a karmic relationship is someone with whom you had a battle or other harsh circumstances. You returned together in this lifetime to ensure that you’d work things out, and clear both of your energies.

If you don’t clear the energies in this lifetime, you’ll be pressured to continue to incarnate with this soul again and again and again.

And each lifetime, his or her relationship to you will continue to be close, either through genetics and familial bonds, or through friendship, marriage, or career. So, that annoying co-worker could be your mother or husband next lifetime unless you clear the energy with her in this one.

You’re brought together with the other soul so that you can forgive him or her. This doesn’t mean forgiving their actions. It means detoxing your soul by releasing anger toward them. You don’t have to hang out with the person, but you do need to release old pent-up toxic feelings. Holding in old anger is caustic and unhealthful.

It’s also a waste of time and energy to blame that person for family dramas and your own upset. Blaming is a projection of our ego, where we don’t own our own shadows and ego issues, and we put them in the basket labeled: “It’s their fault.” And while it may be true that that person is the instigator of traumas, blaming him or her doesn’t help the situation and doesn’t balance the karma between you.

Karma and Earth Angels

Remember that you can’t control or change any person except yourself. Your spiritual growth as an Earth Angel demands that you learn how to be at peace in the presence of annoying and infuriating relationships and circumstances. This is also part of your healing and teaching mission, to be a role model of how to walk through stressful and harsh circumstances with grace and poise.

To an assertive Earth Angel, the karmic relationship is like a final exam. It gives you the opportunity to test out all that you’ve been learning through this lifetime and have an impact through all subsequent lifetimes. It’s the equivalent of the hero facing the dragon or the mortal enemy, and using all of his or her warrior skills at once. This is the exciting last scene from all action movies, where good triumphs over evil.

Sometimes it’s helpful to do past-life work, such as a regression or asking your unconscious mind to give you a dream about your past life with this person. When you remember your past with your karmic-relationship person, it defuses the present-day anger. It helps you step back and detach from the current dramas.

You don’t need to share the past-life information with the object of your karmic relationship, unless you feel strongly guided to do so. Talking about these types of issues may bring up even more unnecessary drama.

The next step in unraveling the tangled karma between you two is for you to understand that this isn’t about the other person; it’s about you and your spiritual growth and future lifetimes. Loving and caring for yourself means making an investment that helps you have more peaceful relationships now and in your future, including your future lifetimes.

As annoying as this karmic relationship is now, it will only become more intense if it’s allowed to continue into the future. You have the power to stop the karmic wheel!

Breaking the Karmic Cycle

The first step to break this karmic cycle is for you to take responsibility for its presence in your life. Your soul agreed to be with this person because it was necessary for your spiritual progress. So forgiving yourself is the ultimate secret to healing everything in all directions of time.

This involves forgiving yourself for entering this relationship whenever you did in the distant past lifetime. You probably were given red-flag warnings by your angels then, which you chose to ignore or override. Forgive yourself for ignoring those red flags, and vow to listen from now on. Life lessons only count if we learn from them.

Yes, you’re infuriated by how this person behaves. But this is how this individual’s personality works and has always worked. You were the one who chose to try to be in a relationship with him or her long, long ago. You were the one who decided that all of those red flags that your angel sent you didn’t matter. You were the one who decided that you could change or fix the person.

Now it’s time to let go of that fantasy that this person could be as you desire or dream him or her to be. You’re not the other person’s Source, nor are you the author of his or her life scripts.

Karmic relationships are akin to having a tug-of-war. They’re power plays, where one person will pull and the other person will pull back. No one wins in karmic power plays. But when one person drops his or her side of the rope (through the process of forgiving him- or herself for getting into this tug-of-war in the first place), the power struggle stops.

Of course, dropping the rope and forgiving doesn’t mean that you’ll turn into a passive person. Remember, this is about increasing your personal power and assertiveness. In the past, you’ve tried aggressive, passive-aggressive, and passive processes with your karmic relationships. None of these have worked. Now it’s time to be assertive, which means being honest with yourself and others. Honesty means that you let go of the agenda of trying to control, fix, or change the other person.

Honesty simply means: speaking your truth, and letting the chips fall where they may without attachment to outcome.

Avoiding the karmic relationship (staying away from the person) can only work if you can get to a peaceful place inside your mind whenever you think of that individual. Your litmus test of whether you’ve balanced the karma is when you can see something that reminds you of the person and your blood pressure doesn’t go up.


For more, read Doreen’s Assertiveness for Earth Angels:  How To Be Loving Instead of “Too Nice”  by  Doreen Virtue, published by Hay House (November, 2013), available at bookstores or online at www.HayHouse.com.


Doreen Virtue Ph.D. is an American author. She describes herself as a spiritual doctor of psychology; she has a doctorate in counseling psychology and is the founder and former director of WomanKind Psychiatric Hospital at Cumberland Hall Hospital in Nashville, Tennessee, as well as the founder of her spiritual healing method, “Angel Therapy”. Virtue has written over 50 books including a collection of oracle card decks on the subject of angels and other new age topics. Doreen Virtue currently tours around the world holding seminars and workshops mainly on the topic of angels. She also host a weekly call-in online radio show at Hay House Radio .

For more information please visit her Website: www.AngelTherapy.com.


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