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Reduce parental burnout ~ The five key principles to focused parenting

By on September 22, 2021
Reduce parental burnout ~ The five key principles to focused parenting

By Deborah Byrne

Focused parenting is a term I use to describe parents who are as equally dedicated to understanding their children’s developmental stages as their own emotional states. Focused parents promote calm-assertive communication and act as a guide for their child’s behaviours. Encouraging strong relationships, good communication, and positive attention helps children adjust and develop well throughout their lives. Children with focused caregivers are more likely to do well and are less likely to have behavioural or emotional problems.

There are 5 key principles to Focused Parenting:

  1. A safe and interesting environment
  2. A positive learning environment
  3. Calm and assertive communication
  4. Realistic expectations
  5. Self-care

A safe and interesting Environment

Children are naturally curious little creatures and require an interesting environment in which they can play, explore, discover, and experiment. A fun environment will instantly bring out your child’s curiosity, improve their language abilities, and teaches them new skills. A family home should also be safe, regardless of the child’s age. For younger children, safety latches, baby gates, and storing dangerous items away are essential. Equally, putting away fragile items that teenagers may break, storing medication safely, or having access to a treat’s cupboard with permission are just as important. A safe environment will stop you from constantly running around saying, “NO” or “DON’T TOUCH!” This means you can relax more and enjoy a cuppa on the sofa! Supervision is also important; knowing where they are, who they’re with, and what they’re doing is a must for all parents.

A positive learning environment

Children require our attention; it is their way of learning the world is a secure place and that we are here to support them. Try to be available for your children as much as possible; I don’t mean all the time, but if they approach you for help or need to share something, and you’re able to stop what you’re doing, then do it. When you see your child behaving appropriately, be sure to acknowledge them and give them praise as they will be more likely to behave this way in the future. Staying positive and helping children learn also encourages them to try new things for themselves.

Calm and assertive communication

Being consistent, reacting quickly when your child misbehaves, and dealing with behaviours calmly means your child will be less likely to develop behavioural problems. Your child will learn to accept rules, boundaries, and limitations more easily and have good self-control. They also learn how to express their feelings in ways that respect others. It can be a challenge, but if we remain calm by not yelling, threatening, or lashing out, we teach our children to do the same. Children need boundaries and limits, and that is why calm and assertive communication is so important. Be prepared as things can often get worse before they get better, especially when addressing a problem behaviour. This approach works best when both parents are supporting one another, and the child is also given heaps of positive praise for good behaviours.

Realistic expectations

  • Do you have enough rules?
  • Do you have too many rules?
  • Is your child able to understand these rules?
  • Are they capable of doing what you expect of them?

What we expect from our children depends on what we consider normal for their developmental age, but children can develop at their own rate, and we must set realistic expectations; if we expect too much, we will be disappointed. If we expect too little, this can affect their development and desire for independence.

Self-care

Being a good parent does not mean our children should take over our lives. Make sure you prioritize time for yourself and take a break every now and then to pursue your own interests. Work as a family team so that you feel supported. Try to keep the balance right between taking care of yourself and your children. Be realistic about what you can do and remember parenting is much easier when our own needs are being met. Parenting is the toughest underpaid job in the world so make sure you practice self-forgiveness and focus on your wins.

It’s worth noting that these principles work best when there is a sense of teamwork within your family dynamics. The strength of a family is never an individual, but on how well they all function as a team!!

 

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Deborah Byrne is a parenting coach whose primary goal is for all busy parents to feel supported on the amazing journey of parenthood by reducing everyday stresses, living more mindfully and focusing on what really matters in this lifetime, their children. For more information visit https://deborahbyrne.com/

Feature Slider Image by Julian Hochgesang

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