Resistance Simplified

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Written by Marta Stanczyk

Do some of your goals take forever to accomplish?  Do you break your own promises and then dislike yourself for it?  Do you wonder why you keep yourself from what you want?

There have been countless times when I promised myself I would do something I really, really wanted to do.  There were even times when I would jot down plans of action, list goals, and print out statements declaring “by this date I shall start  doing so & so” or “on this day I shall stop doing so & so.”  Only to find myself months past that date wondering what went wrong!  Sounds familiar?

Eventually, frustrated, I began to ask myself the following questions:

What is this about?  What am I doing? Why am I resisting and sabotaging that which I want, wish for, and desire? Why am I doing this?  What’s wrong with me?  What’s the reason – the real reason?

Let’s consider some facts…

Before I could understand the mechanism and complexity of resistance, I had to first become aware of its presents.  Awareness is the first step in addressing anything.  I wanted to understand why I resisted all the good things I wanted and what this resistance was really about.

First let’s define it.  What is resistance?

•         It can be described as the refusal to accept or comply with something
•         The attempt to prevent something by action or argument
•         And anything that slows or stops movement or keeps something from happening

Yes, I tried them all!  But I most closely relate to the “stopping or slowing of movement” part.  I wanted to move on, away, or toward something and it just wasn’t happening.  Why?   The issue may appear to be complex, but the answer is a lot simpler than you may think. Though there are three factors to consider, essentially, there is only one reason – FEAR.

Let me explain:

1.  Fear of failure
‘What if I fail, what if it doesn’t work out?’ says the mind.  We worry about what others will think if we don’t get to our goal, if we come up short.  So to avoid the criticism and embarrassment, we either stop or slow the movement toward getting to our goal.  If we don’t start, we won’t fail; if we don’t fail, we won’t get criticized or feel embarrassed.

2.  Fear of success
‘How can I be afraid of succeeding?’ you might object.  Well, here is how: things will change!  No matter what your goal (new job, relationship, body, etc.), once you achieve it, your life will be different in some way and, whether we admit it or not, we all resist change; usually because we are afraid of what unknowns will accompany it.  Ah yes…the good old comfort zone in which we know what to expect.  We stay put and things stay the same.  We’re safe!

3. Doubt & Disbelief
This, I think, is the most disguised and unexpected reason for resistance.  “Who am I to be successful?” would enter my mind, and it took me a while to realize it.  But once I did it really made a lot of sense and explained much of what was happening in my life.

The fact that we don’t believe ‘IT’- whatever IT may be – is a very powerful reason we experience resistance.  The truth is that somewhere deep inside of ourselves we do not believe in the possibility or attainability of that which we want.  Subconsciously, we doubt we can have a different body, different career, or a better relationship, and all the while we tell ourselves that this time will be different!

On the surface and with excitement we start yet another diet or exercise regime or job search because, by golly, this time we’ll finally get results.   My favorite proclamation is: “Okay! Staring Monday…I will…blah, blah, blah.”  I know most of you know this way of planning for success, right?
Has it worked for you?  It has not worked for me.  Why?   I did not believe it would or that I could actually do it or that I was good enough or deserving enough of the results!

Who are you on the other side of the Resistance?

You see, your friend Resistance is keeping you from getting to a point at which all your doubts and disbeliefs have a chance to become evident in your conscious experience.  You don’t believe in what’s on the other side.  You don’t believe in the possibility of what you want and that is why you resist it!

In other words, you’d rather indulge or even suffer Resistance than find out, for sure, that you really can’t do IT; that you aren’t good enough; and that you don’t deserve the results.  So you keep yourself from trying to get them because you’re afraid to find out you can’t.  Sad, isn’t it?

How will your life change?   What will you feel like once you accomplish your goal?

If you’re ready to challenge your resistance then asking the above questions is a perfect place to start.  I believe that solutions to any problems lie in the quality of the questions you are willing to ask yourself and the depth of the answers you provide.

Become aware by becoming curious.  Discover your reasons by finding your courage to do so.  I know you can.  I also know that the more resistance you feel the more ready you are for that which awaits you on the other side.

I hope the following quote will encourage you to continue your journey to self-awareness and conquering your resistance:

“Most of us have two lives, the life we live and the unlived life within us.  Between the two stands Resistance” – Steven Pressfield

Marta Stanczyk, founder of Woman To Woman Empowerment Coaching, is a certified coach, intuitive self-awareness expert, and aspiring writer & poet. A graduate, Marta is also a Student Advisor at The S.W.A.T Institute. She affectionately refers to her life’s experiences as earning a “Ph.D.” from the School of Life University and says she is working on her “Master’s Degree” indulging her insatiable curiosity and desire to understand the complexity and beauty of human behavior. Marta is passionate about sharing her lessons and working with women who seek to enhance their experience of Life. To contact Marta please visit: www.womantowoman.ca

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