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Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones, and Yes, Name-Calling can hurt you, too....

By on August 20, 2018
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By Crystal Andrus Morissette

When I was a little girl, my mother used to tell me, “Sticks and stones can hurt your bones, but names will never hurt you.”

God, I wish that was true.

The reason she said this old adage so often was that I had an older brother who loved to torment me–mostly with really mean names and sometimes physical bullying. The worst part, he was good buddies with my auntie (who is the ultimate Meanie) and together they often ganged up on me. Yes, she was 18, he was 8, and I was 6. You get the picture. Terrible bullies.

This ‘sticks and stones’ saying was somehow supposed to make me feel better. But I won’t lie, those names hurt. Deeply.

Now, I’m not crying the blues about things that happened 40-years-ago, however, I will tell you that ‘being too sensitive’ has been part of my makeup for as long as I can remember.

  • you’re too sensitive, Crystal.
  • why do you let people get to you so easily?
  • who cares what others say about you!

These ‘motivating’ comments are supposed to make me feel better … stronger, or something? Less like a victim. Less weak. Less vulnerable. Tougher.

They are usually said by people who have never really put themselves out there, or as Brene Brown calls it: Never gotten into the arena themselves and who don’t actually know HOW HARD IT IS TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF enough that you would actually build a school and empower women worldwide.

The idea of the arena comes from an amazing speech from Theodore Roosevelt:  “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” ~ April 23, 1910

The problem is we now live in a world where everyone thinks they are in the arena because they can sit behind a screen and spout off whatever they feel like.

The part I’m still not used to though (you’d think after a lifetime of mean comments, I’d be better at it) is when a stranger decides to write something that is absolutely unnecessary, hurtful, unkind and untrue.

And there is nothing you can do about it.

Except, don’t be too sensitive, don’t let people get to you so easily, and don’t care what others say about you.

Not always easy.

This week, the mean email came from a woman who signed up for a course I’m teaching with over 100 other women, and when her second payment declined, rather than realizing that she was out of integrity, she decided to send me a scathing, short, crappy email about how I wasn’t a good teacher, I talk and talk about nothing, I make money by sharing affliate links for other people’s products, and that I care more about my hair, makeup and earrings than my content.

:-O Whoa…. the hair, makeup and earrings comment sent me over the deep end. :-O

Really. This attack on my physical appearance is what hurt me the most. I’m so damn tired of women being mean to other women, especially if that woman is attractive. Jealousy is poisonous for everyone!

Here are the facts: the only time I spoke about hair, makeup, or earrings was the class on Personal & Professional Presentation, and I wore a bun and explained that when you’re teaching to women (versus men), you want to be very aware to not be too sexy or wear too much makeup. Keep jewelry simple and elegant.

Note: Can you believe I’m explaining this to you????

Now, this is where I’m supposed to tell you all that I’m so empowered that it didn’t affect me.

But it did. Clearly. LOL

It was from a woman. Apparently a businesswoman. Who wrote a hurtful mean unprofessional message to me because her credit card declined a $198 invoice.

Rather than say, “I apologize. I’m not making enough money and I’m overwhelmed. I haven’t been able to implement any of the things you’ve taught yet, and I’m embarrassed to say I can’t make the final payment” she decided to project her frustrations at me. And made it about me … my looks.

If she would have been respectful and honest, I would have responded with grace and kindness. I would have probably waived the last payment and let her carry on with us at no additional charge. That’s how good people do business and handle their struggles.

Instead, I sat gobsmacked for a few hours wondering why she would be so mean. We removed her from the class and I did not write anything back.

As my mother would say, “Sticks and stones may hurt your bones, but names will never hurt you.”

Here’s the truth, I’ve been afraid of Meanies like this woman my whole life. But it hasn’t stopped me from putting myself out there. And this ‘mean’ email won’t stop me either.

Here’s how I am getting myself out of this funk:

  1. First, I remind myself of all the thousands of women I’ve helped over the years. And perhaps I’ll even go read a few of the hundreds of testimonials I’ve received —  a good 30 just from this business course that she apparently thinks is crap.
  2. Then I need to own the part of me that is mean and unprofessional cuz here’s what I know about healing and empowerment:
  3. Everything happens for a reason and our job is to find the lesson in it.
  4. Everyone mirrors something in us and when it hurts, it means there is a hurt inside of us that needs healing.
  5. The person triggering our suffering is there to show us that we need to ‘reclaim’ this unacceptable part of humanity within ourselves.

Here’s why this is about me (and not her):

When you are a little girl who is bullied every day of your life like I was, I disowned my own inner bully. I made the choice to be sooooooo kind. Sooooooo loving. Sooooooo giving. Soooooo wonderful. So much so that nooooooooo one would ever think I was a Meanie.

My job today is to go find my buried Meanie in my proverbial basement and get to know her. How does it feel to be a Meanie? What does life look like through the lenses of a Meanie? Why is she so mean? What does my Meanie need so she can come up out of the basement, so to speak, and come back into my heart, my mind, my wholeness?

>>>>> I am a Meanie too! Ha!

Until we each accept that we are all things–even Meanies–we will be triggered and affected by people who behave in ways we can’t just accept within ourselves.

So, thank you, Mrs. Meanie. For showing me, that I too can be mean and that I still deserve love … and so do you. I hope you get the support you need for your business to blossom. It sucks when you can’t pay a $198 invoice. I feel you, sister.

Be well…
Crystal

XOX

P.S. If you want help reclaiming any disowned parts of you, let me take you through a profoundly healing and integrating process. We get started in September. Click here for details!

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Crystal Andrus Morissette, Founder

CrystalFounder2

From life as a homeless teen to coaching A-List celebrities, from having abs of steel and the Miss Galaxy to weighing over 200 pounds after having babies, Emotional Age and Communication Expert Crystal Andrus Morissette is a worldwide leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation. A media darling, she has been featured numerous times on Oprah.com, the New York Post, Fox TV, the Daily Mail, CBS Radio, CTV, CityTV, Global TV, Slice TV, the Globe and Mail, and the Toronto Star. Crystal is the founder of the S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer), an empowerment coach certification exclusively for women that she created with fellow female visionaries Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Dr Christiane Northrup, Colette Baron-Reid, and Sandra Anne Taylor among others. Established in 2009, the S.W.A.T. Institute is now in over 30 countries.

Crystal is the author of five best-selling books, including her latest release entitled, “Simply…Woman: Stories from 30 magnificent women who have risen against the odds!” She is also certified in nutrition, sports medicine, and yoga.

Crystal’s message of resilience, strength, and inner power has allowed her to grace the stage with speakers such as Dr. Phil, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Naomi Judd, Suze Orman, Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Debbie Ford, Sarah Ferguson—Duchess of York, and many more. Crystal has coached women from all walks of life including A-list celebrities, best-selling authors, scientists, doctors, dentists, and lawyers to stay-at-home moms and struggling teens. Her passion is to get down in the trenches and help people become the (s)heroes of their own lives.

www.crystalandrusmorissette.com | www.swatinstitute.com | www.SimplyWomanBook.com | www.SimplyWoman.com | www.SimplyWomanSummit.

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