Women's Health: Bumper Bowling and Talking to Your Daughter

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By Nicole Irish, Ed.D. 

What does bumper bowling have to do with talking to your daughter
about women’s health? It may be one of the best parenting moves
you can make.

Raising a daughter is one of the greatest joys of my life and I can
honestly say that I have enjoyed, for the most part, every stage from
birth to mid-twenties. However, complete transparency here, the
teenage years do in fact give you a run for your money!

My philosophy has always been that while I was the mother and
guardian for a period of my daughter’s life, responsible for guiding,
protecting, and nurturing her, it is not my responsibility or right to tell
her what to do, how to act or whom to associate with socially. She is
a human being with her own characteristics, likes, dislikes, and
abilities. It is my job, however, to provide her with information and the
skill set to become a problem solver, understanding how to evaluate
the pros and cons in situations before deciding.

I always viewed it as my job to “guide” her along the way to develop
her unique talents, and not expect her to be a clone of me or
someone I thought she should be. Although, genetically, she does
look an awful lot like me! Here’s where the bumper bowling analogy
comes into play! My husband and I were the bumpers. Slowly as she
grew older, we would drop the bumpers and let her “bowl” on her
own. Sometimes the bumpers had to come back up…aka mostly
during the teenage years! Being a parent is for life, so there will be
times, even though your child is grown and maybe even has a family
of her own when she’s going to need your guidance or advice at
some point.

One of the most important lessons I discovered along the way is that
having open, non-judgmental, and honest discussions, no matter
how awkward, is incredibly important for many reasons. First, the
conversations help to build a trusting relationship between mother
and daughter so that when the time comes to have the tough
conversations and trust me, they will come, your daughter will feel
more comfortable and secure talking to you.

When children are included in discussions and decision-making at
an early age, they slowly learn to develop their own problem-solving
skills and self-confidence. This all takes time and can begin with very
simple decisions when they are young like what they would like to
wear, which activity they’d like to participate in, or where the family
goes on vacation. The decisions get a little more difficult as they get
older such as what courses to take to take in high school, socializing
with certain groups of friends, or choosing a college.

Women’s Health

Creating a safe and trusting relationship with your daughter when
she is young, and creating a relationship where she understands you
will be there, her bumpers when needed, can make the tougher
conversations, like women’s health, a little easier.

Women’s health is a vitally important topic to begin talking to your
daughter about beginning pre-puberty. The more knowledgeable
they are about their bodies and health needs, the more empowered
they will be to self-advocate in medical situations, asking questions
and clarifying when needed.

For decades, although I believe it’s getting better, women’s health
concerns have been lumped into the same category as men’s health
and that is incredibly frustrating, confusing, and sometimes
detrimental to women seeking medical care. Communicating with
your daughter about her body and health can help to eliminate
confusion and clear up any misinformation she may have gotten
from other sources.

Throughout your daughter’s life, there are many topics that should be
discussed dependent on age appropriateness. Knowing when to
have these discussions can be tricky. Here’s a list of some topics you
should be prepared to talk about with your daughter.

Pre-Puberty to age 18
1. Body Changes
2. Menstrual Cycle
3. Healthy hygiene
4. Gynecological Visits
5. Birth Control
6. STD’s
7. Safety precautions in social situations
8. How diet and exercise can impact hormones
9. Sexuality

Age 18+
1. Routine gyno visits
2. Routine self-breast exams
3. Healthy Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships (it’s important
for them to know the difference)
4. Hormones and how they impact your mood, brain, heart,
thyroid, and bones.
5. Pregnancy and What to Expect.
6. Postpartum Health
7. Perimenopause
8. Menopause

Before starting a conversation with your daughter, think about what
you will talk about and do it in very small chunks, so you don’t
overwhelm her with information. And note to self, she may appear
embarrassed like she doesn’t want to talk, but odds are she will
secretly welcome the information and be grateful. Although, don’t
hold your breath for her to thank you at that moment! That will come
years later. 🙂

Also, you shouldn’t feel like you need to sit down and discuss a
specific topic and that’s it, you’re done. The conversation may be
ongoing with your daughter coming back a couple of weeks later
and saying, “Hey, remember the other day we talked about
hormones? I have another question.” It’s natural for her to take the
information, process it a bit and then formulate follow-up
questions. That’s actually a great thing!

I feel strongly that young women should be educated about their
bodies, sexuality, and women’s health needs armed with resources
and the self-confidence to advocate for themselves. My wish is for
every young woman, all women, to have another woman, a mother,
health care professional, friend, or mentor with whom they can have
an open discussion about their unique health concerns. Talking
about it with another woman is often reassuring, comforting, and
helpful. We can learn so much from other women!

So, if you have a young woman in your life that may need some
women’s health guidance, be the bowling lane bumpers for
them! Together we are stronger!

********

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